Category Archives: Comic Books

Superf*cker

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It’s impossible. Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry his child?…He’s an alien, for Christ’s sake. His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that would kill him.
- Brodie from Mallrats

I think the only reason DC has finally decided to couple Superman and Wonder Woman in continuity (it’s happened plenty of times in Elseworlds tales) is they can finally show Superman as a sexual being. The only time I can recall that Superman had sex with Lois in the comics was during Brian Azzarello/Jim Lee’s brief “For Tomorrow” arc (at least it was implied. Who knows what really happened?). As silly as Brodie’s line was in Mallrats, every comic book geek has discussed the illogical nature of Superman and Lois having sex.

Now we can have tasteful superhero sex in the New 52 like Batman and Catwoman.

Yay?

When Minor Characters Do Major Things

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20120601-091155.jpg

A few weeks ago, DC Comics announced that a major character was going to be reintroduced as gay. So comic fans speculated which major character it was going to be. I thought it should be Captain Marvel because he didn’t really have any serious romantic entanglements in the previous continuity (ignoring for a second that he’s really a pre-teen but that might have made it more awesome and influential).

It was revealed this week that the now gay character is Alan Scott. If you just said, “who?”, I rest my case. Scott is DC’s original Green Lantern (before they came up with the Guardians, Oa and the entire mythology that spawned Hal Jordan) and was a member of Justice Society of America. This is HARDLY a major character. Adding insult to injury, Scott is going to be in Earth-2 so he’s not even in the current continuity that the average person is aware of. Why couldn’t it have been Martian Manhunter, one of the Robins or one of the more recognizable Green Lanterns like Kyle Rayner or John Stewart? It’s great that DC is adding a LGBT character but given the fanfare, I wanted more. This was just too safe.

DC Comics already has gay characters – Batwoman/Kate Kane, Renee Montoya/The Question, Obsidian (coincidentally Alan Scott’s son from the previous continuity) – so one more shouldn’t be a big deal (actually they could use a few more). DC Comics trying to ride the wave of Obama coming out in support of gay marriages to try and push a few more issues.

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Who Watches Before Watchmen?

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I’ve been meaning to write about what a horrible idea I thought DC releasing prequels to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ classic work, Watchmen, prequels NOT written by Moore (although they did ask him while offering him back the rights to Watchmen that had been denied to him for so long).

DC isn’t stupid. They know no one would accept this even a little bit unless the writers and artists behind this weren’t the best of the best. As much as I hate that this is happening, I would read anything by Brian Azzarello, J. G. Jones and Darwyn Cooke (J. Michael Straczynski…not so much).

The reason this seems like such a bad idea is Moore crafted such a detailed tale that there’s no room for expansion. Between the flashbacks and the supplemental pieces, we know everything we need to know about these characters. All these comics could possibly do is illustrate stories mentioned in the supplemental materials or flesh out stories described or mentioned by characters. It all seems like a pretty obvious cash grab on a known respected property by DC Comics.

Well, not as obvious as this Watchmen toaster.

Yes, that’s really happening.

Maybe this cartoon isn’t that far off from the truth.

Melanism’s 10 Favorite Superhero Movies

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After watching Captain America: The First Avenger, my second thought1 after walking out of the movie was “Where does this rank amongst comic book movies?” Later that evening, I was inspired to try and rank all the superhero movies I’d seen. That task proved to be too daunting (mostly because I check quibbling with the order) but I didn’t want the idea to go to waste so here are my top 10.

To make it easier on myself, I’m only including movies based on comic books about superheroes (eliminating Road To Perdition, Unbreakable2 and The Incredibles).

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With Great Responsibility…

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Revealed in Marvel Comics’ Ultimate Fallout Issue 4, out Wednesday, the new Spider-Man in the Ultimate universe is a half-black, half-Hispanic teen named Miles Morales. He takes over the gig held by Peter Parker, who was killed in Ultimate Spider-Man Issue 160 in June.[1]

When I got to work this morning and first read about the new Spider-Man, I didn’t really care.  It was in the Ultimate Universe (which is kind if a mess right now) and not in regular continuity. Sure, it gets Marvel some press which Marvel never gets tired of.  I was going to read it since I’ve read every issue of Ultimate Spider-Man to this point.

The more I thought about it, the happier it made me.  I started imagining sharing this comic with my future mixed children.  I smiled at the thought that they would have a superhero who might look like them and have a similar background as them.  I was already daydreaming of one of my kids wanting to dress up as Spider-Man for Halloween but not Peter Parker, “the brown one”.

Even though this probably won’t last too long (NO ONE stays dead in comic books), I plan to buy every trade paperback of this comic so I can show it to them and explain that, for a brief period,  a kid like you was Spider-Man.

I really wish he didn’t look like teenage Obama though.  That’s just lazy.

1. Truitt, Brian (08-02-2011). “Half-black, half-Hispanic Spider-Man revealed.” USA Today.

Movie of the Week: Captain America: The First Avenger

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Captain America: The First Avenger was a great origin movie for one of the oldest characters in the Marvel Universe. It was a great decision to do a movie almost entirely in the 1940′s. Director Joe Johnston was definitely channeling Raiders of the Lost Ark and his own The Rocketeer. This was easily the second best Avengers-related movie (right behind the first Iron Man1).

The movie really shines in the first 2/3rds of the movie highlighting how scrawny Steve Rogers physically and emotionally became Captain America. It’s not the best origin movie (Batman Begins) but, from the alley beating to the USO shows to the Bucky rescue mission, I think it had the best hero origin in a movie2. The final third of the movie was just okay. The final battle was kinda blah. It was just set-up to get Captain America to the present which was disappointing. If this movie wasn’t tying into The Avengers flick coming out next year, I think we would have gotten a better conclusion.

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Videos That Came Out of SDCC ’11 That I Loved

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Even though I missed out on San Diego Comic-Con again, I still look forward to al the trailers that come out.  Here were my favorites:

Dexter Season Six Trailer

I liked last season well enough but this trailer looks like Dexter is back to normal (not grieving or taking on a partner). Plus we might get to see Mos Def on Dexter’s table and I’ll pretend he’s being killed for the oft-promised and oft-delayed Black Star sophomore album

The Walking Dead Season Two

I wasn’t a huge fan of season one (I’d say two of the six episodes where good) but this trailer makes The Walking Dead look like the show I hoped and expected it to be.

The Last Airbender: The Legend of Korra trailer

I watched Avatar The Last Airbender last year and was mad it took me so long to get on the bandwagon. The animation for the follow-up (taking place 70 years after the original) is amazing*.

‪Doctor Who Series 6b Trailer‬

After how the first half of season six ended, how could I not get excited by this? Why does River Song have the eyepatch on? WHY???

In Time trailer

Yes, this is a sci-fi movie starring Justin Timberlake but it was written and directed by Andrew Niccol (Gattaca, The Truman Show) and in Niccol I trust.

* This YouTube link will be dead by the time you click it but it’s out there.
** A special mention to The Avengers concept art posted above.