Don’t Cross The Streams

In various interviews, Tim Kring, creator of Heroes, constantly went out of his way to say his show isn’t like Lost in a negative way. You know what, Tim? You should be so fucking lucky.

What I Liked:

• As I sat at work anticipating this episode, avoiding spoilers, I tried to figure out who might die and it occurred to me that anyone could die at this point. Usually the sign a character is going to die is flashbacks come to some sort of resolution. We learn every facet of what made the person on the island. This season, we basically wrapped up everyone’s past – Locke’s dad, Kate’s dad and mom, Sayid getting forgiveness, Sawyer getting his revenge, how Jack got his tattoo (I know…who cared). The point is there was nowhere else to go so everybody was vulnerable. How I underestimated Cuse and Lindelof? The flashback is over. The flash forward begins
• I know some people hate Jack and some people want someone to punch Jack in the face (I’m not one of them), but Matthew Fox carried this episode acting-wise from his future self, his five minutes with Ben when he thought Jin, Bernard and Sayid were killed and his final showdown with Locke. Seriously, I hope the Emmys don’t ignore Lost in the acting categories this time around.
• There was all types of bad assery: Jack kicking Ben’s ass, Hurley’s rescue in Roger’s van, Sayid pulling a Jack Bauer, Sawyer’s revenge kill on Friendly, Locke throwing a knife in Naomi’s back and Mikhail’s underwater grenade pull
• Two best quotes of the night
  • “If you say ‘live together, die alone’ to me, Jack, I’m gonna punch you in your face.” – Rose (after Jack told them they weren’t waiting for Sayid, Bernard and Jin)
  • “I didn’t believe him.” – Sawyer (after shooting Tom Friendly in cold blood)
• Charlie died. Ok, I wish he didn’t die. There! Are you happy?

What I Didn’t Like:

• I wish ABC didn’t list Malcolm David Kelly in the opening credits so Walt’s appearance would have been more of a surprise
• Jack’s kiss with Juliet and saying “I love you” to Kate seemed out of place and pointless.
• Jack’s AWFUL fake beard
• I wish we got more of Locke
• The anticlimactic reunion of Alex and Danielle
• I’m mad at myself for not figuring out the flash forward thing sooner

What We Learned On The Island:

• Ben was keeping the fact that Looking Glass was still functioning a secret to everyone
• Everyone were told the girls guarding it – Greta and Bonnie – were on assignment in Canada
• Ben was keeping Alex and Karl apart because he didn’t want her to get pregnant
• Bernard is a bitch
• Danielle recorded her distress signal three days before Alex was born
• Naomi is not working for Penny
• Jin is a poor shot with a handgun
• Mikhail is a poor shot with a machine gun in broad daylight and a stationary target
• Tying up and gagging Sayid does not necessarily mean he can’t kill you
• There is a “temple” on the island
• Walt’s ghost is about 6 inches taller than real Walt
• Mikhail is an immortal. Ok that’s not true but it sure feels that way doesn’t it

What We Learned Off The Island:

• Jack and Kate got off the island (!)
• Jack became a pill-popping drunk
• While trying to jump off a bridge, he caused a woman driving with her son to crash her car. Jack saved their life
• Jack attends a funeral for someone that both him and Kate knew
• Oceanic Airlines gave the survivors unlimited miles which Jack uses hoping to crash on the island
• Kate has a “he” to go home to
• Jack is trying to get back on the island.

Questions:

• How did they get off the island?
• Who didn’t get off the island?
• What “mistake” is Jack tired of “lying about”?
• Who’s funeral was that? (My guess: Ben)
• Who is the “he” Kate has to go home to?
• Is Jack’s father alive?
• Is this the absolute future or a possible future?
• Was that Jacob appearing as Walt?
• After all the things that have happened to Locke, now he decides to kill himself?
• Who is Naomi working for?
• I know Charlie thought he was going to die but why did he rat out Juliet as his source for finding the underwater hatch? What if he ruined everything with his big fucking mouth?
• Is Mikhail really dead this time?
• Did Charlie close the door on himself to make Desmond’s vision come true saving Claire in his mind or was he too sodding stupid to realize a) he had enough time to get on the other side of that door or b) the moon pool in the other room would have slowed the flooding to a crawl giving them plenty of time to escape?
• How badass is Sayid and Sawyer?
• Will Desmond still get visions? If so, what will he see now?
• what and where is the temple Alpert is leading the remaining Others too?
• Why has Ben been lying to his own people and jamming their communications off the island?
• Why is the cast of NBC’s Las Vegas invading Lost? will James Caan be playing Jacob?
• Seriously, did another black character have get killed off the show?
• Can Cuse and Lindelof pull this off?
• Can I survive until February 2008 without Lost?

The Life Aquatic With Charlie Pace

What I Liked:

• The way they built tension for next week’s finale. All the pieces are in place
• The return of Rose and Bernard
• Juliet wins the best line of the night award, responding to Karl telling the 815ers that Juliet is a spy: “They know Carl, but thanks!” (it was all in delivery)
• Charlie and Desmond’s interaction throughout the episode was great.
• Charlie’s “Greatest Hits” flashback. I hope they continue to find interesting ways to do flashbacks from this point forward
• Charlie’s goodbye to Hurley was particularly sad
• They almost made me not want Charlie to die

What I Didn’t Like:

• Everything seemed a little rushed
• Charlie lived

What We Learned:

• There is an underwater station called The Looking Glass (more Alice in Wonderland) that is jamming all communications off of the island except for The Others
• There was a DriveSHAFT Greatest Hits album released when the world thought Charlie was dead (despite having only two albums but hey, even the Fu-Schnickens have a greatest hits album)
• Charlie saved Nadia (Sayid’s) from a mugger and she called him a hero
• Bernard can shoot
• The DS ring Charlie wears and bequeaths to Aaron doesn’t stand for DriveSHAFT but were his great-grandfather’s initials (Dexter Stratton) and was also the inspiration of the band’s name
• Naomi is from Manchester
• Charlie can swim (despite saying he couldn’t in season one)

Question:

• Did it not occur to anyone that such an important station might have guards?
• Are those guards Others? Dharma Initiative? Mermaids?
• Why did Ben mislead the Others into believing that the Looking Glass was empty and had been flooded?
• Why did Charlie lie in season one and say he couldn’t swim?
• Why isn’t Claire nervous anytime Charlie goes off with Desmond knowing that Desmond gets visions of Charlie dying?
• If Charlie dies, will Desmond still get flashes? If so, of what?
• Why did Ben move up the time table to kidnap the women? Was he trying to distract the Others from wondering what happened to Locke?
• I know Ben was lying this time out but does Jacob actually give Ben orders or is he some sort of boogeyman he uses to scare the Others straight?
• Who is Nadia’s travel agent? This chick is everywhere.
• Did Charlie ever get some from Claire?

Help. Me.

What I Liked:

• When Lost ends in 2010, Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson should try and find a project together.
• We finally learned what became of the Dharma Initiative
• While it lasted, I loved seeing tough guy Locke. I felt like he was representing frustrated Lost fans (not me) when he was beating up Mikhail and pushing Ben into a corner to stop his incessant stalling
• The 815ers finally got together and talked. Look how easy that was.

What I Didn’t Like:

• I don’t think Locke is dead. But if for some crazy reason he is dead. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THAT.
• Another season, another secret plan by Jack
• Another character, another shitty father. Thank God this show is off the air before Father’s Day.

What We Learned:

• Ben was not born on the island. He was born outside of Portland to Emily and Roger Linus in the woods after an ill-advised hike. Emily dies shortly after he is born.
• Roger and Ben (as pre-teen) are brought to the island by Horace Goodspeed, who pulled over along the side of the road to help Emily and Roger when Ben was born.
• Roger is given a job as a Work Man (or what we in the real world would call a Custodial Technician)
• Dharma Group is at war with the Hostiles, the island’s original inhabitants
• Ben has a little girlfriend growing up called Annie
• Roger blames Ben for his mother’s death and keeps forgetting Ben’s birthday.
• Kid Ben sees his mother (wearing the clothes a doll Annie made for him).
• When Kid Ben sneaks into the woods to look for her, he runs into Richard Alpert. He tells Richard that he wants to leave the Dharma group.
• Adult Ben kills his father in the van that Hurley found in “Trisha Tanaka Is Dead” and helps the Hostiles to kill the rest of the Dharma Group
• There is a volcano on the island.
• Naomi is NOT with the others
• Mikhail survived the pylons because they were not set to lethal
• Juliet told Jack about Ben’s plan, he just had decided to not share this information until he figured out what to do.
• Jacob lives in the woods in a shack.
• Jacob hates technology.
• Only Ben can see or communicate with Jacob (kind of like Management in HBO’s Carnivàle) until Jaocb says “help me” to Locke.

Questions:

• What the fuck is Jacob?
• How come only Ben can hear or see him?
• WHat is with the ring of ash around Jacob’s shack?
• Did Annie die with the rest of the Dharma Initiative?
• Were there other Dharma members who defected to the Others?
• How is Richard the same age now he was when he met Ben as a kid?
• If Richard has been around for so long with the Others, how come Ben is in charge and not him?
• Is any of the Others supporting Ben at this point?
• How did the Others get to the island?
• Who goes hiking when they are seven months pregnant?
• Was the dynamite Danielle got from the Black Rock for Jack’s plan?
• Can the island heal a bullet wound? If so, can it hurry?

My name is James Ford. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

What I Liked:

• Say what you will about season three but this season has produced some of the best Lost episodes ever…including this one.
• Finally a connection between two castaways has some sort of payoff
• Josh Holloway’s Emmy reel will come from this episode
• The backstory showing us what Locke’s been up to since we last saw him.
• The divisions amongst the castaways AND the Others
• Um, Naomi is cute and had my favorite line of the night: “Remind me not to save you, Sayid”

What I Didn’t Like:

• How Kate went over to Jack at Mach 5 speeds to spill the beans about Naomi

What We Learned:

• Sawyer is still Kate’s booty call
• The Others have apprently been “waiting” for Locke
• Ben’s plan for the 815ers: kidnap all the pregnant women
• Oceanic Flight 815 was found at the bottom of the ocean near Bali, all the bodies were accounted for
• Naomi is part of a company hired by Penelope Widmore to find Desmond using the coordinates she got at the end of Season Two after the Hatch imploded
• The ship Naomi came from is about 80 miles away from the island
• According to Alpert, Ben is purposely trying to make Locke look bad in front of the Others
• Cooper was kidnapped after a car crash
• Cooper is Tom Sawyer, the man who conned James’ mother.
• After all he’s been through on the island, somehow that letter James wrote when he was a little kid is still intact

Questions:

• Is there really a schism in the Others faction or was Alpert doing exactly what Ben wanted him to do by getting Locke to get Sawyer to kill Cooper?
• Did all the Others have to do something for their initiation?
• Why does Danielle need dynamite?
• What secret is Juliet and Jack keeping?
• Why did Ben tell Locke about his plan to kidnap the pregnant women on the island?
• what bodies did they find in the wreckage of flight 815?
• Why does the island heal everyone so quickly?
• When will Locke and Danielle realize they are perfect for one another?
• Like Inigo Montoya, now that James has finally gotten his revenge on Cooper, what’s left?

What. The. Fuck?

What I Liked:

• I’m not usually a fan of Yunjin Kim’s acting but she was great in this episode. She held her own against the best actress on the show (Elizabeth Mitchell)
• Oh, Juliet. I knew you weren’t completely on the side of the Others
• Mikhail’s alive! Thank God. He was too cool to kill already.
• Hurley was hilarious: “Ooops”, “Mom” and the final “What?”
• Jin knows kung-fu. Sweet roundhouse kick
• We’ve come full circle on the Jin and Sun backstory

What I Didn’t Like:

• I’m sure when he dies it will be heroic on some level and redeem his character on some level but until that moment happens, unfortunately Charlie’s still alive.

What We Learned:

• Shortly after she marries Jin, an old woman blackmails Sun for $100,000 unless she will reveal that Jin’s mother is a whore
• Sun goes to see Jin’s father and learns that a) Jin’s mother was promiscuous and b) Jin might not be his son. He makes her promise not to tell Jin either nor that she met him
• Sun goes to her father to get the money no questions asked promising to continue to turn a blind eye to his affairs
• Sun’s father says that Jin will have to repay this debt and that’s how he ended up being a Korean thug.
• Sun gives the old woman who is Jin’s mother the money but threatens that she will have her killed if she sees her again
• Our mysterious guest (listed as Naomi in the credits) speaks Italian, Chinese, Spanish and English
• Juliet lost nine patients
• The winner of the Race to Sun’s Ovaries is…Jin!
• History dictates Sun has about two months to live
• The island increases sperm count (Five times more sperm)
• Juliet left a tape recorded message for Ben detailing Sun’s pregnancy saying that she will test Kate next (Good luck with that one)
• Apparently in the real world, Oceanic Flight 815 crashed and was found and there were no survivors!

Questions:

• Oceanic Flight 815 crashed and was found and there were no survivors. WHAT THE FUCK?
• How did Mikhail survive or was he faking this whole time?
• Where was Mikhail running to?
• Why did Sun act like she didn’t know what Jin was doing for her father?
• Who sent Naomi?
• Is anyone on the island who has sex pretty much going to get pregnant?
• Is Kate pregnant?
• Is Juliet pregnant?
• Why is Juliet helping Ben if she hates him so much?
• Knowing what she knows, was Juliet having sex with Goodwin a suicide attempt?

For the record, The Flash can outrun Superman.

What I Liked:

• I always like Desmond episodes even though his story is just depressing
• Kate…changing… Sorry, I’m a man. Sometimes I can’t help it
• Charlie and Hurley arguing about Superman and Flash
• Sawyer asking for some “Afternoon Delight” and even offering to make a mixtape
• Sexy Marsha Thomason landing on the island (even though she’ll probably be dead by season’s end)

What I Didn’t Like:

• The backstory was kind of pointless except for Desmond meeting Penny and one interesting easter egg.
• Charlie lives another day
• Now even I’m getting tired of this love square between Sawyer, Jack, Kate and Juliet.

What We Learned:

• One week before he was supposed to get married to a woman named Ruth who he had been seeing for six years, Desmond got drunk and passed out, he was woken up by a Brother Campbell, took this as a sign and joined a monastery.
• He even took a vow of silence
• He was kicked out a) because Brother Campbell did not think being a monk was really Desmond’s calling and b) Desmond got drunk on some very expensive monk wine
• On his way out of the monastery, he helped carry some cases of wine to a young ladies car and that’s how he met Penny

Questions:

• If Desmond had let Charlie die from the arrow, would it have been Penny who parachuted from the helicopter and not Marsha Thompson?
• What is the effect of Desmond saving Charlie?
• Does the fact that she was carrying a Portuguese copy of Catch-22 and she knew who Desmond was mean that our new island guest is associated with the Portuguese men who Penny hired to help find Desmond?
• What made the helicopter crash?
• Why does everyone on this show read deep books? Doesn’t anybody just read trashy novels?
• How is there more than one copy of the photo of Desmond and Penny?
• Why is that creepy old lady from Desmond’s last flashback in Flashes Before Time in a photo with the monk?

Wow, what an episode

What I Liked:

• And the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama goes to Elizabeth Mitchell. If she’s not nominated, I will be offended. And so should you.
• Now pretty much everyone is back on the beach sans Locke.
• Answers! Tons of answers*.
• I think I’m finally okay with Sawyer and Kate being together
• Jin has become quite snarky
• Lots of Other-y goodness: Ben, Richard Alpert, Ethan, Goodwin, Mikhail
• Juliet putting Sayid and Sawyer in their place

What I Didn’t Like

• Okay, this isn’t really the writers’ fault and is actually a testament to their work but damnit, I really wanted Juliet to be good now and I wanted Jack to be right.

What We Learned:

• Juliet really likes the song, “Downtown”
• Juliet was dropped off at a private airport (Herarat Aviation) to begin her work for Mittelos Bioscience. She thought she was only going to be working for six months
• She gets tranquilized and taken to the island via submarine where she meets Ben.
• She is supposed to trying to get the Others women pregnant but they keep dying.
• Pregnancy is fatal to women on the island
• Juliet wanted to go home after it appeared her experiments were not working but Ben told her that her sister Rachel had a relapse and her cancer returned*. If Juliet stayed, Jacob would cure Rachel
• In season one, when Claire was having those crazy dreams, it was Ethan taking blood samples because they were testing the theory if it was then island killing the women*
• Ethan and Juliet were trying to save Claire’s life*
• When Hurley discovered Ethan was an Other, he went rogue and kidnapped Claire on his own*
• Juliet was in a relationship with Goodwin, the Other that Ana Lucia killed
• “Carrie” was the book they were discussing in the book club
• After the plane crashed, Mikhail pulled files on everyone on the plane
• Richard videotaped Rachel with her son, Julian, and Ben showed Juliet that they were okay
• The Others implanted something in Claire to make her sick so Juliet can appear to be a hero.
• Juliet is still secretly working with the Others. The whole gas/handcuff thing was a plan by Ben. They are going to reconnect in one week
• Getting Juliet away from whatever perm product she was using in Miami was the best thing that ever happened to her

Questions

• Who is Jacob?
• Is Jacob on the island?
• Did Rachel’s cancer really return?
• Was everything Juliet said about Ethan and Claire true?
• Why did the Others kidnap all the children?
• Why did Ben get cancer?
• Is Juliet going to turn on The Others?
• Is Sun going to die?
• Is the fact that all the pregnant women die the reason Ben doesn’t want Alex with Karl in case she gets knocked up?
• Is Desmond going to see a flash of The Others’ plan?
• Has Kate finally made her decision to be with Sawyer?
• Is Jack ever going to stop trying to protect women who don’t need his protection?
• How does Jack get pussy whipped by women he’s never slept with?
• Or is this another Jack plan he’s keeping to himself?
• What is going to happen in one week?

* Could be a lie

Kate said it best. “Welcome to the wonderful world of not knowing what the hell is going on.”

What I Liked:

• I never get tired of talking about how much I love Elizabeth Mitchell’s Juliet. She’s like the female Ben
• Locke finally joining the Others (even if he’s faking).
• Hurley conning Sawyer into being the leader figure of the beach due to Jack, Kate, Sayid and Locke’s absence
• An actual decent Kate flashback
• The return of the smoke monster
• Kate vs. Juliet! In the rain! Then they fall in mud! It was like a horny nerd who is dying got his Make-A-Wish Foundation letter answered.
• Because there are no repeats, the story feels like it’s progressing quickly.
• The look on Kate’s face after Jack asked about Juliet while she was all crying and pouring her heart out. Consider him moved on.

What I Didn’t Like:

• It wasn’t a great episode per se but it was good

What We Learned:

• Kate (this time using the name “Lucy”) helped Cassidy (Sawyer’s con victim from “The Long Con”) avoid the cops when she was trying to con a guy into buying fake jewlery
• Cassidy helps Kate confront her mother to ask why she called the cops on her
• Cassidy was pregnant with Sawyer’s baby
• The Others and Locke left Othersville
• Juliet does not know what the smoke monster is
• The smoke monster can’t get back the sonic fence

Questions:

• Was Juliet really left behind by the Others or is she playing another one of Ben’s games?
• If she was really left behind, why?
• Is Locke really with The Others?
• Why did Kate and Juliet wake up a full day ahead of Sayid and Jack?
• Did the smoke monster read Juliet like it did Eko?
• If so, does this mean her days are numbered?
• If the smoke monster isn’t a creation of The Others, then what did it come from?
• Is the sonic fence around Othersville more to keep people out or to keep the smoke monster out?
• Did you see how big Hurley’s shirts were? What would Hurley have done if his luggage was lost in the crash?