Last week, I was contemplating on when – between ZogSports football on the weekends, 30 plus hours of television a week, 10-20 comic books a week and hanging out with my friends – was I going to find time to play and beat all these video games that were collecting dust in my room and to read the stack of books piling up on my bedside table.
Then it occurred to me, where would I fit a girlfriend in all that?
Obviously, I don’t expect a person to display ALL these qualities but maybe 15% would be nice. 99% would mean that person is pretty much exactly like me which, while it sounds great in theory, is a bad idea. I already have me. If you are 100%, you know who you are and I’m sure we can work it out.
So I wouldn’t mind is she…
I don’t think I’ll ever use an online dating service like eHarmony. There’s just something that feels unnatural about it (not that I’m naturally meeting women or anything).
But I was a little curious about the process and I want to share that curiosity with you. I found the multiple choice questions you are asked on eHarmony online. My would-be responses are in bold italics with the occasional comment:
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good argument especially when I’m right which 90% of the time (the other 10% I chalk up to draws or”agree to disagree”). But there are some fights that I will never miss having.
They include but are not excluded to: Read the rest of this entry ?
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
You know when you are single and your friends in relationships come to you looking for advice and you are able to give advice that makes perfect sense and is completely rational (even though you know they aren’t going to take it)?
First off, no, you didn’t miss anything. I’m not in a relationship nor do I think I’m ready to rejoin the pack so to speak.
I was listening to my iPod on the subway, trying to think of something for my Consolation Prizes project and was drawing a blank. Then I remembered a conversation i had with my friend Tabitha about what kind of guy I was like when I had a girlfriend and how I gave her hope that there would guys out there. So then I decided to tried to tap into that version of myself (Sean 3.0) and see if I could put together this list.
This isn’t a cry to get back together with any of my ex-girlfriends but I should thank them for being such great girlfriends that I was able to put together this list.
Also, on a downer note, a lot of you long term relationshippers are no longer experiencing the things on this list so I guess the title of this list for you is “50-80 Things I Miss About My Relationship” [1]
On to the main event:
Did I miss any of your favorites? Then make your own list.
Me? I’m going back to the domain of the singles.
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^[1] It could also be titled “100 Reasons Why Your Friends Hate Hanging Out With You Two”
^[2] Like they are getting ready for work or something
^[3] Locking fingers
^[4] Does this mean I’m petty?
^[5] …which will invariably be ruined if you two breakup
^[6] Since people don’t mail letters anymore
^[7] Cute jealousy like “I saw you looking at her/him” not psycho, obsessive, I-don’t-trust-you jealousy
^[8] We really need a male equivalent of flowers
^[9] Especially if it’s a movie you both want to see and/or a romantic movie
^[10] Which is probably annoying to everyone else but you don’t care
^[11] Before someone talks and ruins it with morning breath
^[12] In a good kinda way not in a “what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-with-my-life” kinda way)
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
Sometimes you share the bed with some who is your sleep opposite – they’re a wall/you are a door; they’re a right-side/you’re a left-side; etc. But it’s nice to have options.
Sure, if you are sharing a bed with someone for a long time, it takes awhile to get used to them being gone but when it’s really hot in your room, nothing beats having a cold side of the bed and two cold pillows (that’s four potential cold sides!).
Then there is comforter issue. You know how it goes: you go to sleep sharing the comforter evenly but in the middle of the night, you wake up because a large part of you is exposed to the coldness of night. You try to tug on the comforter to rectify the situation and you find your loving girl/boyfriend has done a tuck and roll (when they grab a part of the comforter with their hands, stick it under their body and roll over on it). Eventually, they give it back but you’ll be cold again soon enough.
Other things you won’t miss: snoring, talking in their sleep , cold feet, night farts, going to bed when they want to stay up and watch TV or read a book, wanting to read a book or watch TV when they want to go to bed…
Did I miss anything?
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
The invention of DVR has become a blessing and a curse in a relationship.
If you don’t live together and spend extended amounts of time at your girlfriend’s place or just out being with her, you never have to miss any of your shows.
HOWEVER, if you live together or get married, the DVR is the source of many problems.
All the good shows come on at the same time (especially on Mondays and Thursdays). Now, it’s no secret how much television I watch. Could you imagine if I had to SHARE the DVR?
I’m sorry. There are wars a man can win in a relationship but if you think you are getting to watch Sunday Night Football when she wants to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters while taping True Blood and Entourage, you are sorely mistaken**.
Plus there’s the sharing of the remote issue and the “Why do you flip the channels so much?***” argument that you no longer need to deal with.
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
Birthdays. Anniversaries. Valentine’s Day. Christmas. “I’m sorry” gifts. “Just Because I Love You” gifts.**
That shit adds up.
How are you supposed to treat yourself?
Sure, you lose out on presents as well but think of all the presents you can buy for the one who loves you the most. The one who knows what you really want for your birthday or Christmas. The ont who doesn’t think it’s stupid for you to have a 50″ flat screen TV*** in your bedroom.
Namely, you.
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
Enough can’t be said about never having to see a movie you don’t want to see.
Not to say there isn’t a movie I saw while coupled up that didn’t become one of my favorites of all-time, but the odds against that are pretty slim (and a chance I’m willing to take).
Sometimes, I go to a movie with a friend or a group of friends that I normally wouldn’t go to see but the difference is, I could easily say “No” and meet up with them after the movies. End of story.
You try that with a girlfriend**. You won’t get hit right away but it will definitely come up on a totally unrelated note during an argument to throw you completely off guard…
Her: “…and we never go to the movies I want to see. It’s always about you and what you want!”
Him: “Huh? What are you talking about? I thought this was about me not picking up my dirty socks.”
What I’m Listening To Right Now
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