Posts Tagged ‘Love & Relationships’
November 3, 2008
First off, no, you didn’t miss anything. I’m not in a relationship nor do I think I’m ready to rejoin the pack so to speak.
I was listening to my iPod on the subway, trying to think of something for my Consolation Prizes project and was drawing a blank. Then I remembered a conversation i had with my friend Tabitha about what kind of guy I was like when I had a girlfriend and how I gave her hope that there would guys out there. So then I decided to tried to tap into that version of myself (Sean 3.0) and see if I could put together this list.
This isn’t a cry to get back together with any of my ex-girlfriends but I should thank them for being such great girlfriends that I was able to put together this list.
Also, on a downer note, a lot of you long term relationshippers are no longer experiencing the things on this list so I guess the title of this list for you is “50-80 Things I Miss About My Relationship” [1]
On to the main event:
- First time that you meet
- First time that you call/get called
- First date
- Finding something in common during conversation to build off
- First semi-awkward kiss
- First post-date/kiss phone call/text
- First time you have sex
- First time you have GREAT sex
- First time you have a double/tripleheader
- Post-coital conversations
- When you decide that you are in a monogamous relationship
- Telling your close friends about this new person
- When they are the last person you want to talk to before you go to bed
- Falling asleep on the phone with them not because you are bored with them but because, at the time, being tired doesn’t feel like a good enough reason to get off of the phone
- The first time you share “I love yous”
- The conversation down the road about who said it first
- When you’re together at a party or large gathering, get separated and make eye contact across the room
- The period of time when seeing them makes your heart beat a little faster or get butterflies in your stomach
- Receiving a gift from them that you are totally surprised by because you never said you wanted it and it shows that they actually pay attention to you
- Buying a gift like #19 and seeing their face when they open it
- Spooning
- Seeing them naked for the first time in a sexual way
- Seeing them naked for the first time in a casual way [2]
- Traveling together
- Inside jokes
- Sharing something that you are really passionate about that they don’t know anything about yet embrace it
- When they still want to do something you are passionate about but they could give two shits about because it is important to you
- Making a mixtape for them
- The first time they grab your hand to hold it [3]
- P.D.A.
- Coming up behind them and putting your arms their waist
- When you’re sick and they take care of you
- When they are having a bad day and they don’t want to talk about it, they just want a hug
- Needing a hug and knowing one is waiting for you
- Your first stupid fight
- The first time they apologize to you sincerely and not just to end the argument [4]
- Makeup sex
- Cuddling when it’s cold
- Taking silly pictures together
- When they tell you a certain quality that you possess that they love that you didn’t realize you actually possessed
- Noticing something about them they haven’t noticed about themselves making that something “yours” in a weird way
- Discovering a new favorite thing (restaurant, movie, TV show, etc.) together
- When a song makes you think about them
- When you have a song as a couple[5]
- Being physically apart long enough to remember what it’s like to miss them
- Anniversaries
- Shared holidays
- Getting a massage from them when you really had a bad day
- Getting drunk together
- Drunk, sloppy sex
- Laughing during sex
- Making them feel better just by being there
- Resting your head on their shoulder, chest or lap
- When they make you change something about yourself that needed changing
- When they encourage you to do something positive in your life that you probably wouldn’t have done without their emotional support
- Receiving a thoughtful/sweet note in a card[6]
- Being inspired to write a thoughtful/sweet note in a card
- Spending the whole day e-mailing/IM-ing back and forth at work
- Spending the night together in a hotel room
- Spending a lazy Saturday/Sunday in bed together
- When their parents/close friends doesn’t necessarily hate you
- The first time they fart in front of you and are forced to admit it
- Being in a loud gathering and having them whisper something sweet in your ear
- When they make you feel more attractive then you really feel
- Doing something spontaneous together
- Having a “plus one” for a wedding
- Jealousy[7]
- Sending flowers[8]
- Cute nicknames
- Going to the movies together and holding hands[9]
- Their laugh[10]
- When they put their bent pointer finger on the bottom of your chin to raise your head and plant one kiss or, if they are the shorter one, when they put their hand on the back of your head and pull you in for a kiss
- Getting turned on by them for some random thing they do that they don’t realize they are doing
- Waking up face to face and smiling[11]
- Finding one of their hairs on your sweater
- Making out after you realized it’s been a long time since you just made out
- When they do something special for your birthday
- Going through your dresser and finding old notes/cards that they sent you
- Dancing together (or trying to)
- Making fun of other people together
- Walking around together
- Seeing old pictures of them
- Being able to identify their scent and then getting so used to it, you don’t notice it anymore
- Getting used to one of their more annoying qualities
- Seeing them in a “WOW” outfit
- Watching TV together
- Being genuinely surprised how much you love them
- Being genuinely surprised how much they love you
- A kiss goodnight
- A kiss good morning
- A greeting kiss when you meet up somewhere
- Your first real relationship-threatening but ultimately relationship-affirming fight
- Meeting up just to hang out somewhere different
- When you realize they are your best friend
- When you catch them looking at you and smiling
- When you think to yourself, “I can’t believe we’re together”[12]
- When they find your “spot” and casually exploit it
- When you tell them a story about something that’s really bothering you and they laugh and you don’t think it’s funny at all but you realize how silly you sound and you laugh too
- When you try something new together
- When you are sitting on the couch in silence, not saying anything, not doing anything particularly interesting and you think to yourself, “This is nice.”
Did I miss any of your favorites? Then make your own list.
Me? I’m going back to the domain of the singles.
———————-
^[1] It could also be titled “100 Reasons Why Your Friends Hate Hanging Out With You Two”
^[2] Like they are getting ready for work or something
^[3] Locking fingers
^[4] Does this mean I’m petty?
^[5] …which will invariably be ruined if you two breakup
^[6] Since people don’t mail letters anymore
^[7] Cute jealousy like “I saw you looking at her/him” not psycho, obsessive, I-don’t-trust-you jealousy
^[8] We really need a male equivalent of flowers
^[9] Especially if it’s a movie you both want to see and/or a romantic movie
^[10] Which is probably annoying to everyone else but you don’t care
^[11] Before someone talks and ruins it with morning breath
^[12] In a good kinda way not in a “what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-with-my-life” kinda way)
Posted in 100 Things, Lists, Love & Relationships, Me... | Tagged Love & Relationships, Lists, 100 Things | 7 Comments »
October 29, 2008
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
#4: Bed
Sometimes you share the bed with some who is your sleep opposite - they’re a wall/you are a door; they’re a right-side/you’re a left-side; etc. But it’s nice to have options.
Sure, if you are sharing a bed with someone for a long time, it takes awhile to get used to them being gone but when it’s really hot in your room, nothing beats having a cold side of the bed and two cold pillows (that’s four potential cold sides!).
Then there is comforter issue. You know how it goes: you go to sleep sharing the comforter evenly but in the middle of the night, you wake up because a large part of you is exposed to the coldness of night. You try to tug on the comforter to rectify the situation and you find your loving girl/boyfriend has done a tuck and roll (when they grab a part of the comforter with their hands, stick it under their body and roll over on it). Eventually, they give it back but you’ll be cold again soon enough.
Other things you won’t miss: snoring, talking in their sleep , cold feet, night farts, going to bed when they want to stay up and watch TV or read a book, wanting to read a book or watch TV when they want to go to bed…
Did I miss anything?
Posted in Consolation Prizes, Love & Relationships | Tagged Love & Relationships, single | 2 Comments »
October 7, 2008
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
#3: Television
The invention of DVR has become a blessing and a curse in a relationship.
If you don’t live together and spend extended amounts of time at your girlfriend’s place or just out being with her, you never have to miss any of your shows.
HOWEVER, if you live together or get married, the DVR is the source of many problems.
All the good shows come on at the same time (especially on Mondays and Thursdays). Now, it’s no secret how much television I watch. Could you imagine if I had to SHARE the DVR?
I’m sorry. There are wars a man can win in a relationship but if you think you are getting to watch Sunday Night Football when she wants to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters while taping True Blood and Entourage, you are sorely mistaken**.
Plus there’s the sharing of the remote issue and the “Why do you flip the channels so much?***” argument that you no longer need to deal with.
* If/when I get a girlfriend/wife/semi-regular FB, I will read this list and laugh, cry and/or sigh
** Yes, there might be two TVs in the house but then you will probably be relegated to watching your looks-better-on-a-big-screen show on the crappy TV instead of the big TV that you wanted and picked out for the sole purpose of watching football or other sporting events on.
*** Because I want to watch 30 seconds of Die Hard on HBO while Mad Men is on commercial break. That’s why!
Posted in Consolation Prizes, Love & Relationships | Tagged Love & Relationships, single | 1 Comment »
October 3, 2008
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
#2: Money
Birthdays. Anniversaries. Valentine’s Day. Christmas. “I’m sorry” gifts. “Just Because I Love You” gifts.**
That shit adds up.
How are you supposed to treat yourself?
Sure, you lose out on presents as well but think of all the presents you can buy for the one who loves you the most. The one who knows what you really want for your birthday or Christmas. The ont who doesn’t think it’s stupid for you to have a 50″ flat screen TV*** in your bedroom.
Namely, you.
* If/when I get a girlfriend/wife/semi-regular FB, I will read this list and laugh, cry and/or sigh
** Which are really preemptive “I’m Sorry” gifts
*** My television is only 47″ so this isn’t about me. 
Posted in Consolation Prizes, Love & Relationships | Tagged Love & Relationships, single | 2 Comments »
October 2, 2008
I decided that instead of harping on how it sucks to be single, I’m going to highlight to beautiful things about being single.* Now I’m not daft, I realize that most of these reasons are going to be variations of the same underlying theme, “no longer having to compromise”, but let me have my fun.
#1: The Movies
Enough can’t be said about never having to see a movie you don’t want to see.
Not to say there isn’t a movie I saw while coupled up that didn’t become one of my favorites of all-time, but the odds against that are pretty slim (and a chance I’m willing to take).
Sometimes, I go to a movie with a friend or a group of friends that I normally wouldn’t go to see but the difference is, I could easily say “No” and meet up with them after the movies. End of story.
You try that with a girlfriend**. You won’t get hit right away but it will definitely come up on a totally unrelated note during an argument to throw you completely off guard…
Her: “…and we never go to the movies I want to see. It’s always about you and what you want!”
Him: “Huh? What are you talking about? I thought this was about me not picking up my dirty socks.”
* If/when I get a girlfriend/wife/semi-regular FB, I will read this list and laugh, cry and/or sigh
** Sorry, ladies. Some things on this list will apply to both sexes. This is not one of them. Guys will gladly go see The Dark Knight Returns by himself or with his friends and when you force him to so see Failure To Launch, he’ll go begrudgingly but it will never come up again. Yes, you’ll gladly go see that with your friends but some women have more of a tendency to use going to a movie with her as one of the many mini-tests of your relationship.
Posted in Consolation Prizes, Love & Relationships, Me... | Tagged Love & Relationships, single | 1 Comment »
July 1, 2008
Since I’m not dating real people, I came up with this idea a couple of days ago. I think I’ll make this an ongoing thing that I’ll fall back on when I have nothing to blog about. This has nothing to do with the attractiveness of the actress playing the role (although it’s a movie so, odds are, they’re attractive). Certain elements of the character appeals to me romantically and sets unrealistic standards for real people who don’t have the benefit of rewrites.
Character: Lisa ‘Boof’ Marconi
Film: Teen Wolf
Actress: Susan Ursitti
Attractive Qualities: Boof is the perfect embodiment of that girl was like your best friend but was not-so-secretly in love with you (I say “not-so-secretly” because everyone knows it but you…at least consciously). Does she make you feel guilty about liking other people? Nope. Does she even talk to you about and actively help you try to get with people that you want to get with? She knows you’ll come around someday. That what you two could have would rival anything you had with middling little crushes…Until you actually get together and it’s a mess and you realize that you should have stayed friends after all but now it’s too late. But hey, why focus on the negative?
Posted in Love & Relationships, Me..., Movies | Tagged Love & Relationships, Me..., Movies | No Comments »
May 15, 2008
Since I’m not dating real people, I came up with this idea a couple of days ago. I think I’ll make this an ongoing thing that I’ll fall back on when I have nothing to blog about. This has nothing to do with the attractiveness of the actress playing the role (although it’s a movie so, odds are, they’re attractive). Certain elements of the character appeals to me romantically and sets unrealistic standards for real people who don’t have the benefit of rewrites.
For the inaugural post, I’ll pick my favorite.
Character: Celine (no last name ever given)
Film: Before Sunrise; Before Sunset; Waking Life (sorta)
Actress: Julie Delpy
Attractive Qualities: She’s a romantic which, despite my many negative views on love and relationship (many of which I’ve post), I love. She is also a cynic which feeds into those aforementioned negative views. Celine is full of theories on life and love and when I was more of a talker, so was I. Nothing makes me happier than theorizing (ask anyone foolish enough to ask me for relationship advice) and sharing opinion on the nature of people. The accent is a plus too.
Favorite quote: “I believe if there’s any kind of God it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.”
Posted in Love & Relationships, Me..., Movies | Tagged Love & Relationships, Me..., Movies | 1 Comment »
April 11, 2008
I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back.
- Ron Burgandy
So I have this theory about relationships I constantly refer to call “The Chess/Checkers Theory.” Here’s the gist of it:
- Women are playing chess
- Men are playing checkers
- Women think men are playing chess
- Men think women are playing checkers
Now, of course, this does not apply to all men and women but it does apply to a lot of them.
Questions?
Posted in Love & Relationships | Tagged Love & Relationships | 1 Comment »
November 21, 2007
The saga continues courtesy of Tasha:
Does intense passionate love truly last in long term relationships (long term being more than 10 years)?
No it doesn’t. Imagine how creepy that would be. Two people constantly thinking about one another, fucking like rabbits when they got home from work, being all schmoopie with each other for 10 years. How would they accomplish anything in life? Who would take care of the children? Who would want to be around that kind of couple? Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. You can have intense passionate moments which are better because they stand out in the monotony of a long-term relationships.
Do men and women truly love differently? And does one gender love ‘harder’ than the other?
Men and women do love differently but I wouldn’t say one loves “harder” than the other. It really varies from person to person. People have a tendency to think that the way they love is the way everyone should love. So when their partner doesn’t love them in their way, they take it as not being loved as much as they love their partner. I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone not named Sean.
Is the concept of romantic love as we know it
a. a concept manufactured by advertisers and writers?
b. a purely chemical reaction?
Love is a chemical, emotional and psychological reaction that would happen to a person who lived under a rock for their entire life, never having seen a movie, read a book or heard a trite ballad. However, how one is expected to act in a relationship tends to be “manufactured by advertisers and writers.” They sold us on flowers and diamonds and cards and mixtapes as expression of love. I would love to live in a world where two people loving each other and spending time together is all that mattered in a relationship but alas, too many women have seen Pretty Woman. Personally, whoever does ads for Kay Jewelers should be hung from their ankles and have frustrated husbands throw rocks at them.
Do you think a man’s current proclivity for distancing sex from emotion and woman’s tendency to attach of emotion with sex nature or nuture?
It’s too prevalent in my gender to not consider it nature but their is a nuture element. How old are boys before they first hear about love and relationships? When they pull all the girls out of 4th grade to talk about their periods, the boys should be made to watch High Fidelity.
Thanks, Tasha.
Posted in Love & Relationships, MeLOVEism | Tagged Love & Relationships | No Comments »
November 20, 2007
Round Three courtesy of Sheila
Can you ever say “I love you” too much?
It depends why and how you say it. If you say to the point that it’s commonplace (like the end of a phone conversation) than it’s never too much. But some people say it with a certain level of fear like every time they say it is supposed to be a reminder. “Remember when you go out into a space that I’m not with you that I love you and you are supposed to love me so don’t do anything that compromises that. Don’t leave me!” You can tell when there’s a hint of desperation in an “I love you” and it’s really fucking creepy.
Can a couple ever have a successful relationship following a “break” (a la Friends)?
It depends why the couple broke up. If they broke up over a fight that wasn’t an underlying issue throughout the relationship, just anger, then yes. But if the couple broke up over an issue in the relationship that wasn’t resolved, something like key beliefs on marriage and children, then they probably shouldn’t get back together unless one person truly has a change of heart. How often does that happen (without therapy)? If you decided a long time ago you don’t want kids, what would it take for you to want kids? When people who break up over big issues get back together, they go under the same haze people just start dating are under that everything is fine but eventually the issue creeps back up. Hopefully, you’re not already married when it does.
Do soulmates exist?
Yes, they exist. Doesn’t mean you’re supposed to date them. Whoever you consider your best friend - regardless of gender - is one of many soulmates in your life.
Can “Momma’s boys” ever love their significant other more than their mothers?
It depends what kind of momma’s boy they are. If they are the kind that loves their mother because she’s their best friend and they talk about everything, probably not but that’s okay. The love he has for you and her aren’t in conflict. If they are the kind of momma’s boy who’s mother did everything for them and babied them throughout their life, you DON’T want them to love you more than their mother because that means he thinks you have taken over the babying part. Plus, the mothers of those types of guys are particularly horrible to deal with.
Are bars actually conducive to meeting “relationship material” people?
Only if you list under your interests “dressing up to get drunk.” Seriously though, you can meet “relationship material” people anywhere. It’s just a matter of sifting through all the “one night stand” material people and the “I’m subconsciously looking for a rebound” people and the “I’m here every night” people and the “I seem like relationship material but I’m really batshit crazy KOO KOO KACHOOO” people. It’s not necessarily a needle in a haystack but it definitely feels that way.
Will Britney Spears ever find true love?
Who’s to say she hasn’t? Hasn’t her behavior over the last year proven that Kevin Federline was truly a soulmate?
Thanks Sheila!
Posted in Love & Relationships, MeLOVEism | Tagged Love & Relationships, meLOVEism | No Comments »
