24 Season Six: 3:00 AM – 4:00 AM

Body Count: 36 (+6)

For all the shit I talked about Jack’s kills this season, he’s on course to break Season Four record of 44 kills. Fingers crossed.

Big Trouble In Little CTU
So the Chinese grab Josh and leave to meet up with Cheng. Jack and Nadia come up with a plane to overtake their captors. While they are whispering, Chloe comes up to them like a high schooler saying “Hey, what are you guys talking about?” Chloe really misses her alone time with Jack. With a well-placed headbutt, Jack sets off the attack. Morris tries to choke one of the captors from behind, Nadia busts out some nifty punches and Jack continues this season’s penchant for creative kills by choking out head Chinese merc with his gun strap. Doyle and the rest of CTU show up in time to save Nadia from sharing Milo’s fate. Jack wants to run after Josh. Nadia reminds him that he’s still under arrest. He ignores her. She accepts that. No one bothers to clean up Milo’s body. Division shows up to make CTU look bad AGAIN. Blah Blah Blah

Russian Cocktail
Well, Mike Bishop, Russian spy, is no commercial break lover like President Logan last season as we rejoin this Dragonslayer and Secret Service team in the van waiting for Bishop and Aide Slore to finish up which leads to the funniest line of the season,”Aaaaand finally we’re done!” Mark doesn’t fall for the bait and the Aide tries to beat up the spy. Guess how that turned out? Anyway, Dragonslayer and team save her from being choked to death and force the spy to send the e-mails. Doesn’t matter because Russkie Prez was having his spy monitored and knew the e-mails were fake (Question: Why aren’t the Russkies out looking for Cheng if this chip is so fucking important). Presidnt Suvarov gives VP ODB two hours to secure the chip and provide proof or else: WAR! Then the VP sums up the absurdity of this entire season in one line: “We’re about to go to war over a piece of circuitry.” Indeed.

Chinese Take Out
So Doyle “leads” a team with Jack to recover Josh. “Lead” is in quotes because Jack does all the hard work. He kills his way to Cheng and saves Josh who keeps getting himself into Kim-like trouble. Cheng gets away but now has nothing to bargain with to get the chip from Papa Bauer (Question: How did Cheng even find Papa Bauer? Did he look him up in the Yellow Pages?) So Papa Bauer calls the Vice President (apparently on 24, it’s not so hard to get someone in the White House on the phone). He offers to give them the chip in exchange for Josh. VP ODB agrees and Doyle snatches Josh from Bauer and flies off in a helicopter while an entire team of CTU agents holds back Jack. Good, NOW Jack has a reason to kill Doyle.

Bauer Moments to Remember:

  • Jack choking out head Chinese merc with his own gunstrap
  • During Jack’s rescue of Josh, Jack does this amazing slide and shoot with his chicken legs.

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