Well, I didn’t expect to already get some questions to answer.
This session is courtesy of Cindy.
How do you recapture the initial spark and “swoony” feelings? If it feels gone, is it just gone?
I personally think when it’s gone, it’s gone. That’s why it’s a spark and not an all-encompassing fire. You can recapture it in small moments by doing or receiving something totally unexpected for/from your love but something that only they’d/you’d appreciate and if they/you explained it to someone else, they might not understand the meaning.
Can you be friends with your ex? If so, what’s the incubation period?
You can be friends with your ex but, like planting crops, it has to be under optimal conditions:
- If possible, you probably shouldn’t speak or associate with one another for a year minimum. Two years is optimal. Therefore when you do speak to each other, enough will have gone on in your life that the only thing you can think to talk about is when you were together.
- Hopefully, you’ve both had relationships (or at least “relations”) prior to being friends. It’s easier when they aren’t last person you did anything with.
- You have to pretend like you never dated. I can’t stress this one enough. When you speak, you never speak of things you did together. You never “Remember when…” about anything you guys did as a couple. If a story calls for you to recall this period in time, you treat as something you guys did as friends, not as a couple. The fact is no matter how much time has passed between you, the end of a relationship bothered one party more than the other.
How long should you be dating someone before you try to give it a label? Put in a another way, how long do you have to wait to have the status of the relationship conversation?
When you achieve “Last Call” status with one another. “Last Call” status means that if you are both at home at a reasonable hour, you are each the last person the other talks to before they go to bed. If one of you is out late, you send a “good night” text. You smile as you send it. They smile when they receive it (even if they were already asleep and kinda pissed the phone woke them up until they see it’s you). When you are doing that for more than 2-3 weeks, it’s time to have the talk.
How does sex change a relationship and “make things different”? Are there variations by gender?
Seeing anyone naked changes your relationship. Sex or no sex, once you see someone naked, you can never take it back (unless you gain or lose a whole lot of weight). I think women take sex in the relationship more seriously than men. Like it’s the natural progression of a the relationship while men have more of a tendency to be like “Well, it’s about time.”
How do you get him to do the nice things he did when you first started seeing each other?
Do the nice things you did when you first started seeing each other. Hopefully, he’ll reciprocate. If that doesn’t work, randomly mention things he used to do like, “Remember when you…” And if that doesn’t work, either you’ll have to get it into his head that you’re not a SURE thing (which is why he did those nice things in the first place) or you’ll just have to live with the things he does everyday. It’s good practice for marriage.