Sea Change

I find it incredibly remarkable how hard it is to change.

I’m not talking about huge life changes like “I’m going to get a new job” or “I’m going to move to another state/country”

I can’t even make little itty bitty changes to my basic routines like how I spend my weekends or how often I procrastinate at work* or .

At least once a week, I tell myself, “Ok, we aren’t going to do ____ anymore,” and then it just becomes a countdown until I do ____ again.

I could probably write “100 Things I’d Like To Change About Myself” list but it would probably depress me how much of it wouldn’t change a year after I wrote it.

I could sit here and write, “Well this is the moment I make real change in my life,” but is it?

Maybe I need something drastic like getting fired/laid off** or finding someone that I want to impress so much that I can pretend to be the best version of myself around them long enough for that the fake change Sean becomes the real Sean by habit.***

Or maybe I should just learn to be happy with Sean 5.0.****

* This post was written at work
** A real possibility in these economic times
***You didn’t know people did that?
**** That’s how many versions of myself I estimate there have been since high school
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