Body Count: 1
After Tony Almeida allegedly died in season five, my friend Andrea and I refused to believe that Tony was really dead. He did not receive a silent clock. Jack was whisked away to China before he ever returned to CTU. Tony had almost died every season prior so why should we believe that he was finally dead.
I made Andrea a t-shirt after season five with Carlos Bernard’s 24 cast photo with one line: “Almeida Lives”
I debated whether I was going to blog about this season but after the events of the two night season premiere, how could I not? The greatest tag team television has ever known has reunited. Even better, they’ve gone rogue like a peanut.
8:00 AM – 9:00 AM
First of all, the evil guitar chord that played during the kidnapping in the opening sequence, I knew 24 was back. Jack Bauer is facing Senator Red Foreman in a Senate Committee regarding the unlawful actions of CTU. First of all, a tad bit late don’t you think? It’s been practically a decade in 24 time. Anyway, while Jack is being chided for his unlawful methods, it never comes up that he prevented presidential assassinations, a nuclear bomb from being detonated on U.S. soil, containing a deadly pathogen from wiping out Los Angeles and World War III. They are just pissed he shot some dude in the leg. Jack takes care of Senator Clarence Boddicker quicker than he did Robocop. The FBI subpoenas Bauer making for the most exciting hour of television on C-Span since the Stephen Colbert White House Correspondent’s Dinner. The FBI needs Bauer because Tony Almeida is back and he’s bad. Apparently he still has that seven year sore throat (somebody get that man a Luden). You would think the FBI would be more competent with Janeane Garafalo (thankfully over that hideous blonde phase) and Billy Walsh from Entourage (apparently he can only play a dick) as thr FBI version of Chloe and whoever Chloe picks on because they’re not Edgar. FBI Special Agent Renee Walker will try to keep Bauer on a leash while they follow up on a lead it took Jack 30 minutes to figure out. Meanwhile her boss Larry is a) clearly in love with Renee and b) knows she will sleep with Bauer. He has every reason to worry. He’s read Jack’s file. They find the witness and when he won’t talk, Renee tells Jack to do whatever it takes. Before the word “takes” leaves her mouth, Jack grabs a pen and prepares to jab it in his ear before he agrees to talk and, before he says anything, he’s promptly shot in the chest. All I wonder is was Jack staring at that pen the whole time, just waiting for the word. Some stuff happened with the president and that imaginary Darfur but I didn’t care enough except tat the Chief of Staff is probably evil. It’s always the chief of staff.
Jack quickly figures out there is a mole in the FBI and they go after Tony Almeida solo (next time, assassin dude, switch your shoes). The MacGuffin for the first half of the season is the CIP device which Team Tony is using to hack into the airline system. Hasn’t anyone learned in 24 land that having multiple systems connected to the same computer system is a bad idea? The brother of head of the fake Darfur is on US soil because it is so easy for future war criminals to get into the country. We should look for Osama in Detroit. Anyway, Jack and Renee find Tony and Jack gets his first kill of the season. Jack and Tony face-off and we learn that they didn’t exactly receive the same training as Bauer has first Bauer Moment To Remember when he jumps off the boat, rolls on the crate and leap tackles Tony in one awesome seamless move.
Tony never stood a chance. “What happened to you?” Jack (and every longtime 24 fan) asked
10:00AM – 11:00AM
“Deep sky.” With those two words, this season of 24 officially begins. Tony is working undercover with Bill Buchanan (Michael Ausiello is right, James Morrison does look like NPH‘s father) and Chloe. That’s right, kids, CTU has gone rogue! But Jack screwed everything up so now he has to break Tony out and get him back undercover. First Jack has to subdue Renee with a choke hold while telling her “Don’t fight it” like a creepy molester. Then Jack knocks out asshole Larry and the cat and mouse game is afoot. Chloe vs. Janis (Garofalo) for control of FBI cameras (battle of the two booking agents for The Larry Sanders Show). Despite being caught on camera and being IN THE FBI, Tony and Jack escape with Jack giving us his second Bauer Moment To Remember by hot-wiring a car while lying down and being shot at and driving it off the parking garage from the second level.
The only thing that was missing was The A-Team theme song while Tony and Jack escaped in Bill’s blue van.
11:00AM – 12:00PM
So CTU has discovered moles in the highest levels of government and so with no money or resources are attempting to unmask a conspiracy. It sounds even more absurd when you say it aloud. How is this plan going to work? Why weren’t Bill Buchanon and Chloe subpoenaed as well? Apparently Tony really was a criminal but even he has his limits. So they get Jack to help Tony get back under cover (even though Bill thinks he is sending Jack to his death). Emerson (Tony’s boss), of course, is skeptical (I mean, c’mon, he;s Jack Bauer. He’s at least read his Wikipedia page) and sends Tony to kill him but the psychic link between them is so strong Jack knows he’s got to get into character quickly. Man on the run, desperate, blah blah blah. I think Emerson shed a tear as he shot his henchman who’s famous last words were “Either he [Bauer] goes or I go”. Now they are off to kidnap the prime minister of fake Darfur, Matobo. When Bill is presenting his findings to the President, how is he going to explain the killing Matobo’s security force? Matobo and his wife get into the panic room because they were given advance warning. How did they get advance warning? Renee, still hot and bothered from her brief time with Jack, decides to try thing the Bauer way and torture the information out of the assassin who forgot to change his boots. Oh, the presidential side of the story becomes interesting when the First Husband finds out from his son’s soon-to-be-killed fiancee that he was murdered for something he discovered. I also hope that Super Agent Aaron Pierce saves him from his potentially evil Secret Service agent.
(I know this was sloppy but I had a lot to recap.)