I don’t think I’ll ever use an online dating service like eHarmony. There’s just something that feels unnatural about it (not that I’m naturally meeting women or anything).
But I was a little curious about the process and I want to share that curiosity with you. I found the multiple choice questions you are asked on eHarmony online. My would-be responses are in bold italics with the occasional comment:
1. If you decided to stay at home for the evening would you tend to:
A: watch TV (duh!)
C: talk on the phone
2. If you were taken by your date to a party where you knew no one, how would you respond?
A: stay close to my date, letting him/her introduce me
B: find a spot at the back bar and relax alone, letting him/her work the room
C: strike out on my own, introducing myself and making friends
D: I would ask my partner if I could skip this particular event
3. How often do you lose your temper?
A: practically never
B: once in a while (usually during Yankees games)
C: on occasion during a week
D: probably once a day on average
4. When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
A: I don’t have a great need for “personal space”. I like lots of together time.
B: I find my time spent working is enough personal time, the rest I like to spend with my partner.
C: As long as I can get one night a week to myself, my personal space needs are met. (Before my recent bout of singleness, I would have selected “A” or “B”)
D: When I’m with my partner I’m completely there, but I do need considerable time for personal reflection.
5. If you had to characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships, they would be described as:
A: pleasant as breaking up can be, with both people feeling it was the best decision
B: sad, with one partner being hurt and feeling betrayed (I want to say “A” but in the end…)
C: very dramatic, with lots of hurtful accusations
D: angry, with lots of feelings of disappointment
6. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?
A: fear of growing apart
B: fear of marrying the wrong person
C: fear of becoming “your parents”
D: fear of being hurt
7. How important is chemistry to you?
A: I need to feel that instant “click”
B: within the first couple of dates I need to sense a certain chemistry
C: I think chemistry can be generated over the long-term with someone I really like
D: I don’t believe chemistry is really important to a successful relationship
8. Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
A: making a presentation to 500 people
B: a long car ride with a person you just met
C: talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D: meeting with the president of the company you work for
9. How many books did you read last year?
D: more than 12 (Yes, I’m counting graphic novels)
10. When going somewhere:
A: I am usually early
B: I am usually on time
C: I am usually late
D: I am often very late or don’t show
11. Which of the following indoor activities sounds like the most fun to you?
D: watching a video
12. What best describes your parents’ relationship towards each other:
A: married and loving
B: married but distant
C: divorced and civil
D: divorced and abusive
13. What best describes your attitude toward work?
A: it’s just how I earn money to enjoy the rest of my life
B: I like my job but my focus is elsewhere
C: it is where I am at my best and my main focus
D: it is the culmination of my dream and where I invest almost all of my energy
14. Where do you see yourself living in 15 years?
A: a nice apartment in the city
B: a house in the suburbs
C: a house in a small town
D: a house in the country
15. If you were to marry, how many children would be ideal?
D: 3 or more
16. Your idea of adventure is:
A: whitewater rafting
B: karaoke singing
C: trying a different route to work
D: ordering a dish you’ve never tried before
17. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:
B: a professional sporting event
C: a popular new movie
D: the latest dance club
18. What kind of exercise do you prefer?
D: extreme sports
19. If you went out to eat with a friend, which of the following would you prefer?
A: a nice 4-star restaurant
B: a basic steakhouse
C: an undiscovered hideaway
D: a hole in the wall with great food
20. If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week?
C: hiking in the mountains
D: a cottage by the sea
21. Your idea of a romantic time would be:
A: a quiet candle-lit restaurant
B: rollerblading on the beach
C: cooking dinner together at home (although I’d be observing…)
D: getting dressed up and going to a dance club together
22. What style of dress do you prefer?
A: I like to get dressed up
B: I like to dress casual
C: I dress for the occasion
D: I wear whatever is clean
23. Which of the following quirks would bother you most about your partner?
A: uses poor grammar
B: tends to cling to you in social situations
C: is not familiar with current events
24. Would you rather date someone who is:
A: very busy, with a sometimes chaotic schedule, who books time with you in advance
B: busy, with a structured schedule, you know what days the person will be available for fun
C: slightly busy, who works during the day and is available most nights
D: not busy and has lots of free time
25. What is your opinion of committed long distance relationships?
A: they are manageable
B: they can work for a predetermined period of time
C: they are only feasible for a short period of time
D: they are impossible for any length of time
26. What do you think of “Soul Mates?”
A: there is no such thing
B: each person has one soul mate, whether they find them or not
C: a person has several soul mates in a lifetime
D: through work, any person you truly love can become your soul mate
27. How important is it to you that your partner be accepted by your family and friends?
A: very important, I couldn’t date someone without their approval
B: important, I trust my family & friends but sometimes they are wrong
C: slightly important, if they had a strong objection I might consider it
D: not important at all, their opinions would not influence me
28. How many years have you lived alone?
A: I have never lived alone
B: 1-5 years
C: 6-10 years
D: more than 10 years
29. How romantic are you?
A: I love lots of romance, it is a necessity for me to feel loved
B: I am romantic, but do not require it
C: I am occasionally romantic
D: I don’t consider myself a romantic person
30. Do you enjoy being alone?
A: I like being by myself
B: I like equal portions of alone time and social time
C: I prefer to be with other people
D: I don’t enjoy being alone
31. How trusting are you?
A: sometimes I’m too naive
B: I trust people and am able to forgive them when wronged
C: I trust people until they prove me wrong, then it is hard to trust again
D: people are dishonest by nature, you need to be careful
32. Which of the following things would you rather have lots of?
33. Which sort of date sounds like the most fun to you?
A: attend a lecture on a topic that appeals to both of you
B: go bargain hunting at a local flea market or antique shop
C: go bowling
D: visit a local comedy club
34. How organized are you?
A: I plan everything in advance
B: I usually don’t get caught by surprise
C: I like to just let things happen
D: I never know what I’m doing until it is done
35. With which sentence do you agree most?
A: A sensible person avoids activities that are dangerous. (I’m not that sensible, i just haven’t done anything I consider frightening)
B: I sometimes like to do things that are a little frightening.
36. How do you feel about relocating for a relationship?
A: If I met the right person, I would do whatever I needed to do to move and be with them.
B: I would not want to move…but if it were the only way to be together I would do it. (I’d add the caveat that she’d have to live somewhere I’d want to live. Love does not make Idaho a better place to live)
C: I would not be able to move under any circumstances.
37. What is your opinion of traditional gender roles?
A: I like traditional gender roles and want to be in a relationship that celebrates them.
B: I would accept traditional gender roles if my partner were really interested in them.
C: I’m not at all interested in traditional gender roles and want my mate and me to define our roles on our own. (I’ll be more than happy if she’ll kill some spiders and change some tires)
38. Do you consider yourself an ambitious person?
A: By any definition, I am very ambitious.
B: I have clear goals and sometimes consider myself ambitious.
C: I am pursuing some life goals, but am not a very ambitious person.
D: I consider myself quite content as is.
39. When in a relationship, are you a jealous person?
A: I’m not the least bit jealous.
B: I don’t consider myself jealous, but on occasion I have felt threatened.
C: I feel jealous every now and then.
D: I’m not overbearing or abusive, but I can be quite jealous.
40. How do you feel about premarital sex?
A: I am completely opposed to it
B: as long as marriage is imminent, it is okay
C: in the context of a loving relationship, it is okay
D: I accept sex as a natural part of dating
41. Financially, how would you characterize yourself?
A: Very frugal and financially conservative.
B: Good at saving money with occasional unplanned purchases.
C: Adventuresome with investments and spending.
D: I’m responsible, but I believe in spending money to enjoy life, without too much worry about tomorrow. (I’d add the caveat that I’m sorta responsible)
42. How much ongoing stress do you have in your life?
A: I have almost no stress in my life.
B: I have a small amount of ongoing stress.
C: I have a fairly high level of constant stress.
D: I have a very stressful life.
43. How would you assess your verbal intimacy skills?
A: I am extremely comfortable talking about my innermost needs and desires.
B: With the exception of a couple areas, I’m comfortable being verbally intimate.
C: I’m still learning to be verbally intimate, but my skills are improving.
D: It’s hard work for me to discuss my intimate feelings.
44. Realizing that labels are imperfect, do you consider yourself a dominant person in your personal life?
A: Yes, I generally dominate most social settings and relationships.
B: Although not always dominant, I am often taking the lead in relationships.
C: I like to spend equal time being dominant and submissive.
D: I usually like to follow someone else’s lead. (I know ladies love a leader/take charge kinda guy. It’s just not my thing. I’ll be really easy come wedding time)
45. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?
A: Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.
B: I’m moderately affectionate. I like to hold hands and exchange hugs. (I’m all “A” in the beginning but even I get weirded out by too much “schmoopiness” even though I have been the King of the Schmoopies in relationships)
C: I do like a small amount of physical affection.
D: I don’t consider myself a very physically affectionate person.
46. How do you feel about food?
A: I consider myself a gourmet and and love to dine on elaborate meals as often as possible.
B: I just eat to live, trying to be healthy and consume little.
C: I like to eat and occasionally enjoy large meals.
D: I eat three regular meals a day without much additional thought.
47. How often do you find yourself laughing?
A: I crack myself up!
B: I try to laugh all the time and get serious only when it’s needed.
C: Most of my time is spent being serious but I like an occasional good laugh.
D: I’m generally a pretty serious person.
48. Do you enjoy debating the issues of the day with your partner?
A: I hate to debate about anything.
B: Occasionally I don’t mind a friendly debate, but I don’t really enjoy it.
C: As long as we don’t get too intense, I enjoy a good discussion about general issues.
D: I find it stimulating to debate various “issues of the day” with my partner and love it.
49. Outside of a romantic relationship, are you competitive?
A: I’m extremely competitive.
B: Most of the time I’m pretty competitive.
C: On rare occasions I’ll become competitive.
D: I’m never competitive.
50. How often do you exercise?
B: Once a week
C: Two or three times a week
D: Every Day
51. If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?
A: Cook you dinner
B: Rub your shoulders
C: Talk with you about your day
D: Take you out on the town
52. What’s your philosophy on travel?
A: When are we leaving? My bags are packed.
B: I like to take a couple big trips each year.
C: I generally plan one trip each year to a domestic destination. (This is mostly for financial reasons, not an attachment to the U.S. or a lack of desire to travel)
D: I’m not a big fan of travel. I like to stay close to home.
53. Are pets an important part of your life?
A: I have several pets and they are like family to me.
B: My pet is a nice addition to my life, but no serious emotional attachment.
C: I don’t own pets but I don’t mind them either.
D: I am not a pet person.
54. Are you a passionate person?
A: I’m an extremely passionate person, about everything!
B: With a little discussion, I can get passionate about many issues.
C: I have a couple of issues that raise my blood pressure.
D: I have opinions, but I don’t consider myself passionate about them.
55. What are your body-type preferences for your mate?
A: Thin and very lean
B: Muscular and athletic
C: Average height and weight proportionate
D: Larger than average
56. What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?
A: I believe that both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
B: I’m comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
C: I don’t mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I’m included in the socializing.
D: I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.
57. In a marriage how would you feel if the woman made significantly more money than the man?
A: I could not possibly care less which person earns the lion share of the income.
B: As long as both people are working hard and contributing, it would be fine.
C: It would not “bother” me, but there would probably be ego issues to consider.
D: I’m open-minded, but I know this would cause significant problems.
So…what does this say about me?
One day I’ll get around to the open-ended questions