My boss came to my desk and asked me if I wanted any Girl Scout cookies as I am usually the first to order. I told her only two boxes this time (as I have already polished off four boxes of Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies this year). She laughed noting that she knows how this story is going to end. She’s right. I do go through stages when it comes to Girl Scout Cookies
- Planning: When I get my order of cookies (usually three boxes), I make a plan in my mind. “Ok, we’ll leave two boxes here and bring one box home.” The I’ll take the first bite. For the record, I haven’t brought home a box of Girl Scout cookies in years but I ALWAYS intend to.
- Embarrassment: When I finish the first sleeve of cookies, I can’t help but get worried. I never realize how fast I’m flying through them. Depending on the time of day, this stage lasts 10-30 minutes. The worst is when I get my order right before lunch.
- Resistance: The first sleeve is done and I refuse to open the second sleeve. I know what will happen if I get started on the second sleeve. The damn will burst. I’ll start eating them like a machine whose sole purpose in life was to eliminate Girl Scout Cookies in a 2 foot radius. Depending on the time of day, this stage lasts 10-30 minutes
- Gluttony: Self-explanatory. I don’t care anymore. I’m eating cookies at a rate of 3 per minute. If someone walks by my desk and asks for one, I look at them like they just asked Gollum to hand over One Ring.
- Fiend: I’ve finished all my cookies in maybe two, three days tops. At some point, I go to the person who I ordered from and ask, “Did anyone not pick up/pay for their Do-Si-Dos?” I ALWAYS do this and don’t realize it.
I have a problem.