I was never much of a dater (surprise surprise) but I’m noticing that looking for a job has become like looking for a new girlfriend. Everything I hated about being single is now haunting me in my unemployment.
E-Hireme: Before when you were looking for jobs, you would write a cover letter to an HR person with your resume attached. Now there are all these detailed, annoying online applications that take like 15-20 minutes to fill out. It’s like registering for a string of online dating services. You have to recreate your resume over and over again (plus attach your resume – why both?) and you just feel like it’s going into a void never to be looked at.
Hook Me Up?: Everyone you know who has a job at a company you want to work at becomes that friend who has a cute friend you want to be introduced to. It’s awkward especially when they don’t think you two would actually make a good match.
Desperate To Close The Deal: I’ve already stated how poor an interviewer I think I am. I think I’ve gotten better (unfortunately I’ve had tons of practice). I know job interviews have been compared to date (http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/226492) but I don’t think that’s entirely actually true. In most cases, on a date, you’re on somewhat equal ground. You’re both dancing to the same song, trying to keep the beat and avoid stepping on each other’s feet. A job interview is like going on a blind date with someone who is a) out of your league and b) knows you are out of their league but is giving you a shot anyway. You start off cool and confident. They say things and you’ve got the appropriate response. You think you’ve got this until they ask you a question that catches you off-guard. Suddenly you realize you may not be compatible as you hoped but you still want this to happen. You might *need* this to happen. You start to say whatever you think they want to hear. “Oh, you like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I love Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!” You’re desperation starts to show and you both know it.
Silent Rejection: I’ve never been one to promise a phone call and not deliver but now I see why that sucks so much. You have a pretty good interview and you shake hands afterwards. They end things with a “We’ll let you know.” In your mind, you start to imagine when your start date might be, when you should stop your unemployment benefits and what you are going to do with that first paycheck. Then a few days go by and you haven’t heard anything. Not a phone call. Not an e-mail. Maybe it went to spam. Then a week or so goes by and you realize by not letting you know, they’ve let you know. On the occasion that I was so convinced that the interview went well, I’ll call them because I need closure. Is it so hard to just shoot an e-mail and say, “Thanks for coming in but we met someone else”?